yaps !!

while driving back home today i realised....that no matter what name is given to it....society / religion / faith / belief....they all...are only a means to condition one's mind...and its done almost perfectly since birth...not by one...but the collective. and i realised...that whatevr i have ever done in my life....(untill two years ago!!!) was what i was told was the right thing to do...and i jus complied....'it is only when u see more that u learn more'....now i knw !! perhaps too clearly...or perhaps its jus another of my illusion....

why ?

For the past half hour my mind has been racing over every plausible reason for this blog i've jus created...considering i already have two....which are to say the 'least' only jus 'warming up'...n jus as i ws about to give up the quest as a whim....it struck me !! n it struck me thick !!

' b'coz i need to '

yup...i jus need to...i jus need to....sort...categorize...organize... And now that i think about it...its jus not the blogs...this thing runs deeper...to the things in my cupboard...all sorted and neatly stacked....my work...all filed away into relevant folders with appropriate sub folders which further have sub sub folders and so on....and it holds true for even my thoughts !!!! i mean ofcource i dont think things in any order...the thoughts jus keep rushing through...one after the other...but i tend to process it in my mind...its complicated but somehw my mind copes up....

so essentially...when other people would think of say 'happy memories' in general....i will first categories it in my mind...yeah...there are categories...happy memories with 'family' , 'friends' , 'at work' , 'in college' ofcource family will have sub categories like immediate and distant...but lets not go into that....huh...

and thats not all...my thoughts...well they seem to be sorted too...the sub-folders are numerous...categorized by predominance in my daily life...people, events, incidences, temporary...etc...constants (sub-categorized into things that peeve me everytime & things that i will always like/love/appreciate) etc...all the way to my most treasured folder...the 'later' folder...the one folder which is my lifeline....all unpleasant thoughts....deep ones...and tedious ones go to this folder to be pondered upon at a more opportune time...and when this folder fills up to the brim....thats when i knw....and i get out..away from the maddening crowd....into seclusion...until ive lightened it...untill i have ironed the creases...seen the light...untill its all placid and safe...and then i knw....my 'later' folder has space again...and i can return...to business as usual.

i wonder if i was like this before i started using the computer !!

id prefer it to be genetic ;-)

p.s. the point is....i needed a dedicated space to put in what i will put in this blog !